Heading back from a blood panel appointment earlier this afternoon, I was idling on 8th Street in Koreatown while returning to the office when a track from the La La Land soundtrack began to play over my car stereo. Hearing the music, I instantly felt this need to smile, but that quickly gave way to tears when the lyrics took over.

Yes, I cry over certain songs in my car.

At times, it’s the beauty of the music that makes me respond with a case of advanced watery eyeballs. Words can do the same thing if used in a certain way. Stephen Sondheim’s lyrics are a given. Same for Sara Bareilles, whose power as a songwriter is unmatched today, in my humble opinion.

With music composed by Justin Hurwitz and lyrics written by Benj Pasek & Justin Paul, “Someone in the Crowd” proved a highlight in Damien Chazelle’s Oscar-winning musical film La La Land (2016). I remember the huge wave of emotion I felt when this musical number hit the screen, the second big moment featured in the first act of the film.

A reluctant – yet entrancing – Emma Stone is convinced by her roommates to join them at a party in the Hollywood hills, which is where her love story with the equally charming Ryan Gosling has its formal start. That eager joy of “the possible” permeates the song, even during its melancholy bridge, opening and closing with the flourish of a “bright, Broadway beat.” I’ve long adored this movie and soundtrack, but it’s been a minute since I’ve given the songs a chance to live and breathe. Today was a good day to welcome them back.

It hasn’t been the best week, to be honest. A lot of static in my head is robbing me of my creativity and peace. Money should not be the trigger, but it is. It’s hard NOT to feel like a failure when those old demons come back to play with your brain, especially when you’re finally experiencing better physical health. But I know things will improve at some point; I just have to weather these turbulent seas a bit longer.

Still, that nagging desire to be “someone ready to be found” is also a powerful trigger point. I don’t mind being part of a crowd like I did as a kid, terrified of being ignored or looked over. I know I’m “seen” in the sense of being appreciated and loved by people. I’m ready to be involved with someone who is a worthy partner and eager to share in the adventure. That would be a lovely bit of evolution to experience in this era of swiping left and app-fueled apprehension to even be honest with people you’d consider asking out for coffee.


I sound like a teenager’s hidden diary post! Hahaha. Oh well, Janis Ian still resonates with folks. Feeling lonely never goes out of style. Until then, I’m going to keep on singing and crying in my CR-V with gusto because, dammit, it just feels good to feel it all.

You got the invitation
You got the right address
You need some medication?
The answer’s always yes

A little chance encounter
Could be the one you’ve waited for
Just squeeze a bit more

Tonight we’re on a mission
Tonight’s the casting call
If this is the real audition
Oh, God, help us all
You make the right impression
Then ev’rybody knows your name
We’re in the fast lane

Someone in the crowd could be the one you need to know
The one to finally lift you off the ground
Someone in the crowd could take you where you wanna go
If you’re the someone ready to be found
you’re the someone ready to be found

Do what you need to do
‘Til they discover you
And make you more than who
You’re seeing now
So with the stars aligned
I think I’ll stay behind

You’ve got to go and find
That someone in the crowd
That someone in the crowd

Is someone in the crowd the only thing you really see?
Watching while the world keeps spinning ’round?
Somewhere there’s a place where I find who I’m gonna be
A somewhere that’s just waiting to be found
Someone in the crowd could be the one you need to know
The someone who could lift you off the ground

Someone in the crowd could take you where you wanna go
Someone in the crowd could make you
Someone in the crowd could take you
Flying off the ground
If you’re the someone ready to be found

“Someone in the Crowd” from La La Land

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