It happened. A classic Jorge binge.
After months of keeping a strict eye on my diet, focusing on daily exercise, and eating healthy, anxiety took over in the form of my declaring myself worthy of a reward. My numbers remain stable, and my last two doctor visits could not have been better or more encouraging! Like gold star level visits, if you must know. I felt chuffed and indestructible! So, despite a healthy sushi lunch with Mom and Nan, I chose that evening to binge on a dinner comprised of a Hi-Life (a local burger joint) carne asada burrito, adding one of their hard-shell tacos and a small order of fried zucchini. Since their iced tea machine was out of order, I went to McDonald’s to get the beverage but felt the need to add qa QPC (Quarter Pounder with cheese) and a small order of fries.
Yes, I have always subscribed to the belief of “Go Big or Don’t Go!”
Whhhaatttt the hell is wrong with me!!!!????
Naturally, my glucose meter this morning read 185, putting me in the red zone for the first time since last summer. I felt like shit last night and this morning, too. Make that guilty and lousy. Yes, I pulled back on the reins and returned to the “Better eating and Walking Over 3 Miles” routine to clear my head and shake off the residue of this epic fuck up. I won’t allow this to turn into a self-punishment downward spiral, nor will I indulge that ideology of “I’ve been good since September, and I deserved a food vacation, so what?” as excusing away poor judgment.
The work involved with being healthy is challenging for personal reasons, but recognizing these moments of weakness is a huge part of being able to bounce back stronger than before. I wouldn’t say I liked how I felt by consuming such a collection of poor food choices, throwing away most of the burrito, which proved to be one item too many in the end. Even more, it didn’t even taste good to me! It was heavy, dense, and beyond bland. It almost manifested what I felt physically AND mentally at that moment. Throwing away food should be deterrent enough from making such a choice again, especially given the socio-economic divide we all see daily in Los Angeles.
Today is another day to fight the good fight. I did do better today. I feel much better today, knowing my numbers will improve tomorrow. I am starting a new book to continue my resolution to read at least two or more books in a month for the entire year. 2023 is about making achievements happen and avoiding caving to the “all or nothing” mentality that is one of my biggest saboteurs in finishing anything I start.
It is a marathon, not a sprint when you’re turning the Titanic of life around. You need to remind yourself, “You put trash in, you’re gonna feel like trash!” Still, damn, those candy-coated icebergs are a mf’er, though. Yet, we can find inspiration with the right playlist as we walk away the consequences of our sins, like today. To quote the divine New Order,
There will come a day
From “Be a Rebel” by New Order
When your fear and self-doubt fades away
Because you have achieved what you need
There’s no doubt in your heart
Not a care
It’s a funny affair
Take a look at yourself
You may not be the same as everyone else
You’re just different, and that’s okay
We all follow our own way
And if you find that they won’t listen
Then they’ve got nothing to say
So don’t get mad and don’t feel sad
Be a rebel, not a devil
Written by Jorge Carreón 