I read the text today, oh boy. These missives have a strange effect. Just when I feel we can all move on — someone feels the need to reach out to grab the spoon and stir the pot.
Face it, the soup is burned. The kettle is charred. Nothing is left to bubble or nurture when poured anymore. All we are doing is clanging an empty vessel.
So, these words, the last I hope to write on this issue for a long while until our unit is restored, are the ones that took flight today:
“There are always two sides to the “truth.” We choose the one that fits our needs. In the end, you are always left with one question: Why?
The losses incurred in this year are a heavy price to pay for unfounded pride & discontent.
Harsh judgments begat harsher punishments. Silence has turned to retribution. You can’t reprimand those as being judgmental and negative by offering nothing but judgment and negativity in return. Why didn’t you try to talk to us? Why cut us off at the knees? Why create a culture of divisiveness? It didn’t happen on its own. It took TWO sides to make that happen, not one.
Instead, you have chosen to place yourselves in the role of being the victim of an uncaring group. The reality, and it applies to us all, is that everyone had a role in this situation. The difference is you have yet to declare any accountability for your sins. I know what I’ve done and I take responsibility for it. All we’ve seen from you is a litany of bad self-help manualspeak: blame shifting, rancor and an incredible amount of self-absorption.
We can surround ourselves with all that we perceive as promoting happiness or positivity. But cutting off those perceived to harm you will create a phantom limb. Something will always be missing & your happiness will be rendered incomplete. You may not give a shit, but give it time.
“Yes People” are not honest people. They only exist to maintain to promote a false sense of peace and completion. What happens when they fail you? Do you keep finding and running through other people, cutting anyone off who dares to compromise your fortress?
We had so much to learn and gain from each other. Now we may never know what peak we could have reached as a group.
I refuse to think this is the end. Because the only true finish is in death. This story can be rewritten in all of our favors.
Who will be the one to prove the pen is mightier than the sword? Can anyone make sense of us now?
I know the power of words. But the heart is stronger. Hope is strongest.
I choose to believe in hope, even if this story is paused indefinitely. Let time heal that which feels toxic or broken. Family will prevail.”
I can’t let any of this go. I am torn between anger and the desire to make things right. Why fight for people who consider you the enemy? Why not just walk away and find somewhere else to live without the bitter aftertaste of people acting like fucking idiots, people that are supposed to share your blood.
At times, I think about just cutting ties with everyone except the one person in this entire shit show who understands the importance of rolling with life’s punches. I think of Spain. I think of Nashville. I think of anywhere but here. But that’s running away and I’ve seen the effects of not realizing a dream or goal or anything that requires a plan. No matter where you go, what you’re running from will continue to haunt you until you face it square on and without fear of failure.
I don’t share the cynicism of the others, nor do I choose to agree with the arrogant superiority of being “right” about “them.” I wish they all could see how foolish we all look from the outside.
We’re the Mexican-American Horror Story…and I won’t be its clown.
Friday, October 31. Los Angeles, CA